Forget Flowers - Romance Your Firearms This Valentine's Day

UK, February 13th 2026 - This Valentine's Day, ditch the chocolates and pick up a shotgun. Polyarmory, the world's only fully-loaded conspiracy theorist gun-nut dating simulation, is now live on Steam - free, unhinged, and just in time for the most romantic day of the year.
And people are ready for it. With over 6,500 wishlists and the #2 spot on Steam's Upcoming Releases page in the hour before launch, Polyarmory is proof that nothing says "I love you" quite like a talking firearm.
Don't be fooled by the premise: Polyarmory is a sharp satirical takedown of American gun culture, toxic masculinity, and the radicalisation pipelines that prey on isolated men. You just happen to experience it through the eyes of a delusional protagonist who's fallen in love with his firearms.
By day, flirt, argue with, and woo your collection of talking guns. By night, defend your Second Amendment rights against imagined threats and government plots. The main character isn't the hero - he's the cautionary tale.
The Steam release features a brand new original song from The Stupendium, the viral hit songwriter whose gaming anthems have racked up hundreds of millions of views on YouTube.
"We're sorry," says developer Alex. "This is one of the weirdest things we've ever made."
What began as a 7-day game jam entry spiralled into a 14-month passion project from a global team of developers, writers, and artists - all united by late-night Discord sessions, catastrophic scope creep, and a shared commitment to the bit.
FEATURES
Romance your firearms - flirt, banter, and fall in love with lovingly rendered weaponry
Hybrid gameplay - half dating sim, half FPS, all chaos
3+ hours of original podcast content - "The Colt Michigan Experience," a fully voiced parody of conspiracy radio
Toggle your pronouns - or go fully "American-approved"
A shapely cactus - you'll know it when you see it
New original song from The Stupendium
THE STORY BEHIND THE SATIRE
"It's a game about looking backwards to look forward," says developer Artemis. "My childhood was filled with angry men yelling about government overreach and perpetual, imagined threats. If you took them at face value, the only reasonable response would be to hide in a bunker and wait for the end times. So we made a game about someone who loves his guns so much, he decided to do just that."
Developer Anna adds: "It's easy to laugh at people who fall down radicalisation pipelines. But there's real pain and loneliness behind that. We wanted to reflect that with humanity and humour - even if it's through romancing firearms."
CONTENT WARNINGS
Political satire, guns, conspiracy theories, sexual/flirty content, clowns, shapely cacti, toilet humour, violence, divorce, religious imagery, and weaponised absurdity. Basically: everything your mother warned you about.

Chelsea Hopkins - hello@chelseahopkins.co.uk or https://www.linkedin.com/in/chelsea-hopkins-50822811a/

Scope Creeps are a collective of global passionate game developers.

This release was published on openPR.